BAYWATCH movie review by The Commander

BAYWATCH movie review by The Commander




By The Commander

1½ (out of 4 stars)

Whether you were a fan of the Baywatch TV series (1989-2001), a blonde bombshell named Pamela Anderson or knew nothing about the show, you would probably find this 2017 movie version to be both juvenile and insulting to your intelligence. Remember this television series aired prior to the invention of the iPhone. This movie version is lewd, crude, rude, stupid and just plain dumb. Even Dwayne "The Rock "Johnson or Zack Efron and his new pumped out, steroid body couldn't save it. Even a cameo by David Hasselhoff and a walk cameo on by Pamela Anderson (a totally worthless performance) couldn't rescue it. The only good thing that I could point out is that it was better than what I had expected based on the trailers. I'm amazed they didn't have man-eating “land-sharks” running rampant on the beaches.

While the TV series was based in Malibu, California this film was shot mainly off the coast of Georgia and Florida. It was so easy to see scenes that were totally out of place on the west coast. Instead of being centered around the Pacific Ocean, it was obviously shot in a lake, surrounded on all sides by land with homes built right up to the water's edge, otherwise, how do you jump from a balcony into 5 feet of water with other homes directly across the way? And another thing. Baywatch is about lifeguards who protect beachgoers on California's, Malibu beach. It is not about a bay, or a lake which is what was depicted in this film, “We are here to protect the Bay”. What Bay? In one scene, it's the ocean (off Miami’s Coast), the next it's a lake (Tybee Island and Savanah, Georgia). The big beach party scene was in Boca Raton, Florida. No continuity what's so ever. There were the occasional few jokes and stabs at the television series referring to how slow hot women walk on camera which shows their breasts popping up and down ever so slowly. Other films have already done this joke. The 2001 animated film Monsters poked fun of the slow-motion walk used in the TV series and films by Michael Bay (no affiliation with Baywatch).

There were lots of sexual innuendos, foul mouths, ripped bodies and plenty of cleavage with all the F-bombs included. Just mostly rude, crude, filth that has no place in today's or any society other than an "Animal House".

Why Dwayne Johnson agreed to do this film I'll never know. He's the highest paid actor in Hollywood and has now performed in one of the lowest rated films of his career. He certainly didn’t need the money! Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach and Ilfenesh Hadara make up the bikini clad lifeguards and you've got the hot chicks of Baywatch. Unfortunately, Priyanka Chopra who played the evil villainous Victoria Leeds, was hotter and sexier than the other girls with her clothes on.

Add in the fat, stumbling, can't get a girl, comic relief talents of Jon Bass, who's totally out of place in the team and you've got a mess of a film.

There's nothing special about this movie which needs to be seen on the big screen. Since the story is ludicrous and the dialogue worthless, you could watch this on your television or mobile device. You won't miss a thing.

So, if you want to see this movie based on the current publicity hype or it's famous television series then go ahead, outside of the theater, but save your money for films that are actually worth the ticket price.



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