SWISS ARMY MAN
BY THE COMMANDER
1/2 (out of 4 stars)
Swiss Army Man will probably go down as being one of the top worst movies I have seen in 2016. Written and Directed by the Daniels (Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert) a duo that specialized in four-minute music videos, try their hand at a full-length feature film, which is a bore and totally worthless movie.
The premise of the film is that the main character, Hank (Paul Dano) is stranded on what looks like a desert island when as he's trying to commit suicide by hanging, he spots a dead body washed up on shore. He breaks through his hangman’s noose and rescues the corpse, which he names Manny (Daniel Radcliffe). As Manny seems to come to life (through the art of passing gas), Hank has a ‘bromance’ with him. Manny seems to possess all sorts of useful purposes, just like a Swiss army knife, hence the title. And so the adventure begins.
This movie is a long, slow, drawn-out conversation between Hank (a whack job, suicidal nut case) and Manny (a who knows what) a corpse with supernatural powers that can blow gas out of his rear end to start bonfires and propel himself through the water, as on a Jetski. Or is this just a fantasy of a demented mind, or is all of this going through Hank’s mind in the seconds before his strangulated death? Whatever it ends up being, it is a total waste of YOUR precious time. This film is neither entertaining, nor enjoyable. It is a slow, dull, uninteresting, film with no redeeming value. When people commit criminal acts, their punishment should be to have to watch this film.
The only use for this movie would be as a medical necessity for those insomniacs who have trouble sleeping. I recommend playing this film every night, for it will surely put you to sleep after the first five minutes. Skip this movie at all costs, even when it comes to your local television station. The commercials for Type II Diabetes are more interesting.