Jurassic World Movie Review by The Commander


*** out of 4 stars

It is so difficult to write a review about this movie, because there's really nothing to write about.  It's like writing a review for JAWS 7.  Understanding that, I’ll give it a whirl.

Okay, so the idea is that 22 years after the first Jurassic Park, Ingen Corporation has now opened the real amusement park called Jurassic World (probably stole that idea from Disney World) and once again mixed dinosaurs with people.  The OOOH AAAH effect of seeing dinosaurs almost real for the first time is gone.  As with all parks, they get dull and stale, so it’s up to the company to create new thrills that attract new and old customers that hopefully don’t “bite you in the “A**”  (Oops!  I think I just gave the plot away.  My Bad.)  We know the dinosaurs are going to eat people and run amok amongst them.  We know that there will be little kids involved, along with good guys, bad guys and the like, and we hope that the CGI will be far superior (Now that it's in 3-D) than the first three Jurassic Park movies.  

Now, no matter what I write, there's no possible way I can give away the plot of this movie (which I already did, in case you slept through the 2nd paragraph) because you have seen it all before.  Man creates dinosaur, man makes money off dinosaur (so does Starbucks, Ben & Jerry’s, Burger King, McDonald’s, etc.), man gets chased by dinosaurs, man gets eaten by dinosaurs, bad guys get killed, good guys and children escape, survivors hug it out, kiss, fade to black.

Was this a movie worth seeing...?  YES.  Was it a great movie…?  NO.  Was the 3-D good...?  YES.  Was the story good...?  NO.  SPOILER ALERT:  in this episode of the franchise, the good guy makes pets out of the highly dangerous Velociraptor (with their heads in restraint – like a dog at the vet’s) where he even pets them...oh, poor little Raptor.  I just want to take you home and snuggle.  REALLY.  Of course it's these dangerous raptors who wanted to eat poor ‘ol Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill) in Jurassic Park and The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park III, but here we are semi-domesticating them.

Vincent D'Onofrio plays a good (not a great) bad guy, Bryce Dallas Howard is the female lead (hard/dumbass business woman turned love interest – but keeps her high heels on the entire movie), and then there's Chris Pratt reprising his role as Star-Lord (Guardians of the Galaxy, how could you forget that?!) in the same character vein, but this time as an animal rambler.  Do you really think that any Dinosaur can compete head-on with Star-Lord?

So if you've been to Disney World, Universal Studios, Seaworld, seen Shamu the killer whale, or any other similar attraction, you'll see it in this film.  Shot on location in Hawaii and New Orleans (You saw the French Quarter, right?  Just kidding.  Think BIG tax credits), the film turned out as expected.  So why make it?  Listen closely, here's the answer...  Jurassic Park-1993, The Lost World: Jurassic Park-1997, Jurassic Park III- 2001.

It's been 14 years since the last one!  Time for Universal to bang the moviegoer’s ATM machine again.  And besides, it brings in a whole new audience to see the films, right?

I give it a solid B for BITE!

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